“Hungry Thing”
darkness
falls across the ridge
darting around in search
cold wind blows swiftly against our backs
over the rocks something moves slowly up
the slope sensing prey within its reach
long fangs dripping searching
coming out of
darkness
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Wow!....you did it! You wrote a rictameter and centered it too! I am impressed. ( how did you get it to post, centered? ) Your blog is different than mine, as far as looks go and how it works with leaving a comment....I like your blog better. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteHungry thing has got a hold on me!.....I've read it 4 times already ( isn't it something how poetry can do that to you? )
The rictameter is one of my favorite form poems...one, because they are not really hard to write. Two, because I love the visual they give. And three, because they are a great exercise for writer's block. ( as is the Haiku and the Limerick )
Your first attempt on a rictameter is pretty good. If you go back and read it, you will see it is a tad bit off on counts.
Your 1st and last line are great! ( 2 syllables each ) Darkness will always draw the reader in.
2nd line: you have one too many syllables ( should be 4 )
3rd line: perfect 6
4th line: one too many, 9 ( should be 8 )
5th line: perfect 10
6th line: one too many, 9 ( should be 8 )
7th line: perfect 6
8th line: perfect 4
9th line: perfect 2
But I wouldn't go to crazy on making this right...it is your first one ( or second? I will be back later to review your other one...life calls me )
The visual on Hungry Thing is good. I must go now....I'll be back soon with some suggestions if you are interested in fixing the count.
In the mean time...check out King poets.com It's a free poetry workshop and more! I am Serah on there.
And, a friend of mine just started a new poetry site, so there is not much on there yet ( I am Renee on there ) It is: http://www.bulldogpoetry.com/wordpress
Thanks for kind words and the helpful feedback. As far as the centering goes I just use the center button like used in MS Word when composing the blog. I type my poem into notepad then paste it into the blog then highlight all and center. Sometimes the spacing is not what I want so I adjust that.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the blog setup and look I just picked one of the standard formats available on blogspot that looked okay to me.
For some crazy reason I thought in my head a poem had to rhyme. I knew there were poems that didn't but I knew nothing about the structure. Thank you for shareing this with me. Maybe I knew more about his years ago in school and just forgot. =)
I would love any suggestions you are kind enough to provide. I will check out the two sites you mentioned as well as more of your wonderful work.
Greetings, well, I like the shot and the poem, a good combination your blog...congratulations!
ReplyDeleteThank you Adrian and Hello, The shot of the foggy peir is one of my favorites. I didn't remember taking it. I uploaded my shots from that day and was was like wow. =)
ReplyDelete